Форум сериала Мутанты Икс

Выкладываю вам фанфик, отрытый мною на одном из форумов. Я бы дала ссылку, но, к сожалению, сайт больше не работает.
Переводить не стала, так как язык фанфика довольно легкий и перевести его самостоятельно не составляет особого труда.
Прежде чем прочитать его, держите в голове, что это откровенный стеб авторов над персонажами. Хотя простебали они местами особенно Шалимар довольно жестоко.
Для тех, кто не знает всех действующих персонажей объясню, кто откуда взялся:
Санта – член могущественной организации под названием Доминион.
Создатель – ну создатель, он и есть создатель, я уже объясняла кто он такой.
Габриэль Эшлок – самый могущественный мутант.
Шалимар Фокс – без комментариев.
Доминик – из того же Доминиона.
Чарльз Марлоу – злой мутант из 1 сезона.
Моан – продюсер сериала.
Бери – мутант-телекибер из 1 сезона.
Адам Кейн, Бреннан Малврей, Лекса Пирс – без комментариев, все и так помнят кто они.

Guilty as Charged
THE ILL-FATED TRIAL OF GAGAA vs. ADAM KANE

Santa: All rise. Hear ye, hear ye. This court is now in session. The honorable Judge The Creator presiding.

The Creator: Thank you, my loyal employee. You may all be seated.

Santa: The first item on the docket today is the matter of The GAGAA vs. Adam Kane--

The Creator: Innocent!

Santa: Er, sir. You have not yet heard the charges.

The Creator: Sorry, reflex reaction. Carry on, then.

Santa: The class action lawsuit brought by The GAGAA against Adam Kane for emotional and professional damages they have suffered as a consequence of his unethical genetic research and harmful personal actions.

The Creator: What the hell is GAGAA?

Santa: GS Agents with a Grudge Against Adam.

The Creator: This sounds like a collosal waste of my precious time; I’m not getting any younger, you know. Who are the attorneys?

Gabriel: Gabriel Ashlocke. I am representing the plaintiffs, Your Honor.

Shalimar: Shalimar Fox. I’ve got Adam’s back.

The Creator: Approach the bench. You look like two pretty young things with better ways to use your time than spending four years obtaining a law degree. Are either of you actually lawyers?

Gabriel: Well…technically, I’ve never been to law school. But I listened to the books-on-tape version while I was growing up in a pod.

Shalimar: I spent my school years in a psych ward, then a cave. But I look hot in this little outfit I’m almost wearing.

The Creator: Mmmmm. Yes, you do. All right, those sound like adequate qualifications. You may return to your seats and begin your opening statements.

Gabriel: Wait, but won’t there be a jury?

The Creator: BLASPHEMER. In my court room, I am judge, jury, executioner, and demi-god. I am the physical representation of TPTB here in Mutant X.

Gabriel: Oh.

The Creator: One strike against the prosecution for questioning my authority. Mark that down.

Dominique: Marked, sir.

The Creator: Very well. Proceed, Mr. Ashlocke.

Gabriel (glaring): The four members of The GAGAA: Charles Marlowe, Charlotte Cooke, Henry Voigt, and Barry Sterling, bring this class action lawsuit on behalf of themselves and all other new mutants emotionally and professionally injured as a result of geneticist Adam Kane's Genomex research and private actions. As new mutants, we cannot live normal lives for various reasons. We are doomed to endure rejection and misunderstanding from the general public, family, and employers. In addition, for some of us, Adam Kane has interfered in our personal lives and the lives of our loved ones, causing even more pain and grief. When his actions were brought to his attention, the defendant denied the allegations, otherwise avoided paying the consequences for the hurt he caused. For his actions and lack of remorse, The GAGAA demands justice including a heartfelt apology to all new mutants, and the promise of years of drowning in anguished guilt. Thank you.

The Creator (looks up from his doodling): Cysteine goes there...uh...where are we? Oh, yes. Miss Fox?

Shalimar: They can’t blame Adam! It wasn’t his fault! Thank you.

The Creator: Very persuasive argument, Miss Fox. I’m giving the defense a point for succinctness and two more because you look so cute when you’re emotional.

Gabriel: Objection!

The Creator: Overruled! Scribe?

Dominique: Marked, sir.

The Creator: And enter a plea of "Not Guilty" for the defendant. Call your first witness, Mr. Ashlocke.

Gabriel (grumbling): The prosecution calls Charles Marlowe to the stand.

Santa: Place your left hand on the Mutant X canon and raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Mohan?

Charles: I do.

Gabriel: Tell the court about your grudge against the defendant, Mr. Marlowe. When did you first meet Adam Kane?

Charles: As a young child. My parents brought me to Genomex for treatment of my terminal illness. Without informing them of his methods, Adam mutated my DNA, making me virtually indestructible. If I scraped my knee, the skin closed before my eyes. If I lost a tooth, it grew back immediately. This frightened my parents and other children, who saw me as a monster. So it is for the Children of Genomex. Hell hath no limits, nor is circumscrib'd in one self place; for where we are is Hell, and where Hell is, there must we ever be. I blame Adam Kane for the loss of my childhood, my humanity, my very soul!

The Creator: OOOO! Invincibility? That’s brilliant, Mr. Clone—er—Kane. I tried it in 1866, but couldn’t sufficiently increase the rate of cellular regeneration. However did you manage it?

Adam: Why, thank you. It's quite a delicate process. You have to align the third--

Gabriel: Hello, Watson and Crick? I'm trying to make a point over here.

The Creator: HOW RUDE. Strike two against the prosecution for interrupting this perfectly convenient opening for a technobabble conversation. Scribe!

Dominique: Noted, sir.

The Creator: Fine. You have been warned, Mr. Ashlocke. "Watson and Crick," indeed. Those amateurs. Continue your meaningless emotional drivel, Christopher.

Charles: Charles. Charles Marlowe.

The Creator: Whatever.

Gabriel (sighing): Chris--Charles, are you saying you would rather have died than become a new mutant?

Charles: If that was the natural course of my illness, yes. But my parents and I were never given the choice. Nevertheless, I overcame the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune to successfully attain a job, a wife and a child. Unfortunately, the worst was yet to come.

Dominique: Excuse me. Something's wrong with my computer. It appears to be... mocking me.

The Creator: Oh, no! Is Lexa Pierce in the building again?! That last virus deleted all of my video games.

Santa: Not that I'm aware of, sir.

Gabriel: Barry, I know it's you! Either sit down in that chair or go play in the wall socket. I will call you when it’s your turn! Sorry, everyone. So, Charles, what happened?

Charles: My beloved wife and daughter and I were in a horrible car accident. I watched them breathe their last, knowing that the shackles of my mutation prevented me from joining them. I became obsessed with death.

Gabriel: When did you see the defendent again?

Charles: While I was Mason Eckhart's GS lieutenant, he and Adam teamed up to control a virus affecting new mutants.

Gabriel: How did Adam react to your tragic story?

Charles: The "Good Doctor" feigned sympathy, then threw a tantrum about my ingratitude for his saving my life. What does he know of losing a family member while imprisoned in ones own treacherous body? His self-serving meddling cost me my career and the trust of Eckhart, the only one who ever believed in my worth. Adam Kane, confess and be hanged!

Gabriel: Another life ruined by the selfish arrogance of Adam Kane. No further questions.

The Creator: (jolting awake): Ostrich ferals! Uh...oh goody, it's Miss Fox's turn again.

Shalimar: Charles, isn't it true that you're only mad at Adam because you're just a creep?

Charles: No. I am armed with more than complete steel--the justice of my quarrel.

Shalimar: That's what you think, buster. You made my Adam brood for a full two and a half minutes, and that's unforgivable! I even had to cozy up next to him in black leather knee-high boots and parrot back one of his sayings just to make him smile. What more do you want, Ungrateful?! That's all I have to say.

The Creator (chuckling): She's got you there. Two more points to the defense for that charmingly defiant hair toss at the end. Scribe!

Dominique: Written, sir.

The Creator: Next witness, Mr. Ashlocke.

Gabriel: The prosecution calls Ba--

Barry: HerehereIamc'monlet'sgoalready!

Santa: Place your--

Barry: YeahI'lltellthetruthcrossmyheartjustgetouttamywayBeardie!

The Creator: Young man--

Barry: Lemmetellya'boutthatpigoverthere! BoyIgavehimeveryopportunitytojoinmyteam! Icametohimfirstbuthejustwouldn'tlisten! Keptonaboutthegoodoftheworldblahblahblah!

The Creator: I can't understand one word he's yelling. What's the matter with him, anyway?

Gabriel: As a telecyber, Barry is prone to violent mood swings. His manic speech and childish mindset make him difficult to comprehend, so I've invited psychologist Dr. Laura Varaday to help interpret his testimony.

The Creator: Female shrink, eh? Well, that Deanna Troi was appealing. This may be the first idea of merit you've had so far, Mr. Ashlocke. Bring her in.

Shalimar: While he's doing that, can't we take a commercial break? I need 2 minutes for a quickie with Brenny, and 8 minutes to rescue him from his hourly brush with death.

The Creator: Ah, that sounds like true love. Certainly, Miss Fox. It's time for my injection anyway. For added romance, there's a cramped janitor's closet in the back with plenty of hard surfaces that you can use. This court will now take a 15 minute recess.

**************Two hours later***************

Adam (growling): Where's that feral with my files?

Santa: Here comes Brennan Mulwray.

The Creator: Mr. Mulwray? Where's Miss Fox?

Brennan: Dunno. We were fighting a lot of these guys, then I saw this hot blonde chick go by in this cool car. So I ditched Shal. Got her number, see?

Adam: That's my boy. He is so talented.

The Creator: He certainly is. Well, since it seems we will have to replace Miss Fox... Mr. Mulwray, any law experience?

Gabriel (head in hands): Pod me NOW.

Конец.